Rub-a-dubs, overgrazing, and side dishes.

Relationships and sexuality are always interesting parts of culture, and Rwanda is no exception. What is interesting, from my perspective, is in Rwanda (and much of east Africa) how deeply entrenched very different dating and sexual norms are in society. Men and women, but men in particular, tend to have more concurrent sexual relationships but fewer partners on average over their lifetime than westerners. At the same time, sexuality also seems a less visible part of society, where touching others (regardless of gender) is widely accepted (and practiced!) but in entirely platonic forms. Any shred of intimacy is largely left behind closed doors. Few people speak openly about relationships or sex, and students appear to exhibit little knowledge or willingness to engage in conservation about them.

The concept of concurrent relationships is an important public health concern as HIV/AIDS rates have skyrocketed in most sub-Saharan African countries since the 1980s. In her alarming yet incredibly enlightening book The Invisible Cure, Helen Epstein explores the rise of AIDS in Africa and the continent’s attempts to deal with the epidemic. She concludes that patterns of partner concurrency are largely to blame for the rapid transmission of AIDS in southern and eastern African countries. Male circumcision also appears to play a vital role, a potential reason Islamic west African countries experience much lower HIV/AIDS rates. HIV/AIDS in Rwanda is a serious problem, but not quite as acute as some southern African countries (check out the rates of HIV infection in Namibia, South Africa, Botswana, and Lesotho – terrifying!). Still, I have heard that HIV rates are dramatically underreported in Rwanda, although I cannot confirm this. All manner of campaigns have been launched in east Africa to educate people about the dangers of concurrent relationships. Uganda, which successfully combated the AIDS epidemic there in the early 1990s, has some catchy slogans: “No side dishes,” and “Overgrazing.” Clever.

The nature of dating and sexuality in Rwanda makes it difficult for people like Evan and me, who already are singled out as different, to understand how people view dating and sex. Evan teaches General Paper, an all-purpose current events and history course for upper secondary students. Sexuality and HIV/AIDS are part of the curriculum, but Evan cannot accurately determine what many students think because students do not openly discuss such issues. At the same time, we know some of our students have boyfriends or girlfriends and are sexually active (think, empty condom wrappers on the football field…no, seriously). The social obfuscation which pervades much of Rwandan society does not exempt dating and sex. Unsurprisingly, the cultural barriers have also largely prevented Evan or me from having any relationship with a Rwandan woman, which I must admit is a shame because Rwandan women are beautiful. Sigh. We’ll just have to content ourselves with the ever popular rub-a-dub. I’ll let you stew on what that one is!